Monday, November 16, 2009

Exploding Gorillas?

So I overheard a couple talking on the bus about how some gorillas in Afghanistan were blowing up school and zoo's by exploding randomly. I am trying to get to the bottom of this mystery, though considering we still do not have answers for spontaneous human combustion it will take time to determine the cause of random gorilla exposions, though there is a pattern as current data shows the explosions happen every third hour on the hour every second Tuesday during the months that have 31 calendar days.

The first theory I have is that gorillas in Afganistan are eating too high a quantity of red beans. Red beans are well known for their explosive properties and therefore excessive consumption could lead to massive explosions.

The second theory I have is that gorillas are actually CIA operative that were former cast members of Battlestar Galactica, and have all been implanted with GPS homing devices that are set to explode at set times and dates based on the second chromosome sequence in their DNA in conjunction with the cycles of the moon.

The third theory I have is that I am crazy, and I watch too much Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck teaches me that drawing diagrams and misspelling words can make things true. Therefore it is my theory that my diagrams on this matter are actually me divining the words of Glenn Beck.

The last theory I have is that it is a massive conspiracy by both the government and the shadow government who are also in league with the insurance companies and the war machine. The conspiracy is perpetuated with the goal of getting us to ignore the end of the earth in 2012.


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