Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Random Ramblings of a Raving Raspberry Soccerball

Random Ramblings of A Raving Raspberry Soccerball

"My mother always said I would amount to nothing..... and she was right!... hey do you want a drink of this?..."

"The government doesn't want you to keep your money, they want you to be poor, just like me, and they will stop at nothing to make it happen!"

"2 + 2 doesn't always equal 5, you aren't looking at the world right my friend and look superman"

"When you feel the urge coming on... whats the... I don't remember what I was saying... whip it? Whip it good!"

"Like all members of my family, I too am sterile"

"The last thing I remember on that night was... oh are you jesus?"

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Out of context quotes, edition 2

"There so cute, they HAVE to die"
-Lucas Finnamore-Smith

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Out of context quotes, edition 1

"What if a shark ate Enya? It'd be the richest shark in all of Ireland"
-Travis Champagne

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

TV shows I think should exist.

CTRL ALT DEL - A sit-com about microsoft employees that secretly sabotage microsoft products.

Two and a Half Midgets - Need I explain?

Fascist Hour with Benito and Adolf - A Mock pundit show co hosted by Hitler and Mussolini, topics would include, how to make the trains run on time, propaganda machines and how to effectively commit genocide.

Mary teen sheep - Follow up to werewolf stories except this time the protagonist turns into a sheep at the full moon with hilarious results.

How to catch a predator: Animal Edition - Hidden Camera sting show where the host lures in unsuspecting predators such as lions and bears in online chat rooms posing as a wounded gazelle. This type of show always gets great ratings.

Intelligent Design Theory - Parody of the big bang theory except the main characters know the truth. Also all romances lead to marriage before any implied consummation of relationships.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The following people are in my opinion Communists!

David Spade - Seriously look at his facial hair, totally a follower of Lenin
Bruce Willis - He's bald need I say more?
Bill Crosby - Have you seen his show? He is such a Communist.
Canadians - Canadian style health care, again need I say more?
Glen Beck - Seriously his parodies of right wing nuts are way out of line and it is so clear he is a communist, only communists can't tell the difference between fascism and communism.
Jesus Christ - Have you read the bible?
Benito Mussolini - Trains running on time? Communist!
Twitter - Iran Revolution? That is communism.

In conclusion we should demand our politicians to re institute the communist trials!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Two out of three Jonas brothers would agree:

Food for Thought: Installment III

If there was a section in the yellow pages for steak sauce, A1 would be first.

Food for thought.

The Following People Have Enraged me Lately:

Ryan Stiles
Julia Louis Dreyfus
David Cross
Tyler Harland
The cast of "Nightrider"
The '76 Miami Dolphins
Andre Agassi
The artist formerly known as "The artist formerly known as 'Prince'"
The State of Nebraska
Gandalf the Grey (but not the White, he's cool)
A1 steak sauce
Tyler Harland
Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Food For Thought - Installment II: Does Cheese Have it in For Canada?

So the other day I wrote a list of cheeses I needed for a party I was having and I thought I saw something stick out at me from the list.

Light Cheeze Whiz
Medium Cheddar

You may not see it so I will bold the letters that stuck out at me from my cheese list.

Light Cheeze Whiz
Medium Cheddar

Of course you could spell the word from those letters but it struck me as odd, is there some kind of cheesy conspiracy to cause our weather to be bad, so bad we may call it a 'Blizzard'?

So I did some investigation into cheese, and of course as I suspected cheese was popularized in Europe and many gourmet cheeses are still produced in France and Italy.

Then I checked who would gain if Edmonton would fall into blizzard like conditions. It is clearly the European Union who would achieve two goals. Temporarily shutting down the Albertan Oilsands as well as using the blizzard as further evidence of global climate change. quadriplegic

So while I don't know the how, I am sure that the EU is using cheese in a plot to take down Alberta.

Food for thought.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Food for thought...

I just ate about a pound of pasta. Then I ate about a pound of antipasto. Now I'm hungry again.

Food for thought.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Exploding Gorillas?

So I overheard a couple talking on the bus about how some gorillas in Afghanistan were blowing up school and zoo's by exploding randomly. I am trying to get to the bottom of this mystery, though considering we still do not have answers for spontaneous human combustion it will take time to determine the cause of random gorilla exposions, though there is a pattern as current data shows the explosions happen every third hour on the hour every second Tuesday during the months that have 31 calendar days.

The first theory I have is that gorillas in Afganistan are eating too high a quantity of red beans. Red beans are well known for their explosive properties and therefore excessive consumption could lead to massive explosions.

The second theory I have is that gorillas are actually CIA operative that were former cast members of Battlestar Galactica, and have all been implanted with GPS homing devices that are set to explode at set times and dates based on the second chromosome sequence in their DNA in conjunction with the cycles of the moon.

The third theory I have is that I am crazy, and I watch too much Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck teaches me that drawing diagrams and misspelling words can make things true. Therefore it is my theory that my diagrams on this matter are actually me divining the words of Glenn Beck.

The last theory I have is that it is a massive conspiracy by both the government and the shadow government who are also in league with the insurance companies and the war machine. The conspiracy is perpetuated with the goal of getting us to ignore the end of the earth in 2012.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

You asked for it...

Ever since posting my youngest bird-dogs(see here), I've been inundated with questions and requests for more photos.

I only have time now to post one more. Her name is Mittens: She loves to play and even though her wings are too small for full flight, she still loves to glides around.

I'm sorry, I just don't have the time to answer all the questions but I will, however, answer the most frequently asked questions: "What?!? How??? Did you make these freaks?!!?? Are you some kind of geneticist??

Answers: Bird-dogs. I breed them. I breed them, yes, but they are not freaks they are wonderful, loving creatures. I am not a geneticist, I do it the old fashioned way:

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My absence.

So in case no one noticed early monday I stepped out of the universe for a little while.

While gone I learned the answers to the universe, unfortunately my feeble brain couldn't remember them when I got back.

Though I did realize that I wanted to experiment on people's heads.

So anyone who reads comment with a random number between 1 and 10.

Maybe there will be candy.

Maybe not.

Also where is that addictive can of coke? Also where is my underwear?

Future me out.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Rocky the rock.

So the other day at work we found a rock laying behind the till at the parking lot exit.

So this is the rock here. We thought at first that it was just a rock from the construction site at the mall. But after a bit of digging we discovered an illustrious past.

It's original owner was John A. MacDonald who believed it to be a lucky stone of the same material as the stone of destiny in Scottish lore. After his first election loss after the CPR scandal the rock disappeared into obscurity. The next we found written about it was in the memoir's of Robert Borden who claims to have inherited the rock by finding it underneath a floorboard in 24 Sussex drive. Borden mention's the stone a few times in his memoirs but it again disappears from all records until it surfaced again in a story told by William Lyon Mackenzie King, where he described an act of vandalism against his office, the rock being the primary culprit. William Lyon Mackenzie King then trusted the rock to the care of Liberal Party officials where it stayed until the election of Pierre Elliot Trudeau, where it was not only photographed but described by western premiers as he used the rock to try to intimidate the provinces into accepting greater federal powers.
It seems the last written report was in a single account by an RCMP officer at the APEC summit which Jean Chretien choked a protester. The account read that Jean Chretien also threw the rock at one of the protesters but missed.

It appears as though the rock then made it's way to Edmonton through the RCMP officer who was later transferred but it still remains a mystery how it arrived at the front of our store.

R.I.P. Fluffy

It is my sad duty to announce that fluffy the gecko has passed away. He was 2 years old and had a wife and 8 kids. He will be missed by all.

Sources confirm that the likely cause of death was eating too many worms on a full stomach, though an autopsy is not scheduled until later next week. Fowl play is not suspected but the family canary 'Bubbles' is not talking.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm finally back to a reasonably sized flack!!!

With the addition of the most recent litter, my Bird-dog flack (flock+pack) is now back to the size it was before the god damn bird flu hit (NEVER FORGET!) so I've decided to post some picture of the newest additions.

Here's Buddy

He loves digging and going for walks. Buddy can just never get enough sunflower seeds; he absolutely loves them! If you ever need him to come and he's being stubborn, you just have to say "sunflowers seeds" and he'll fly over to you as fast as he can!

This little guys name is Poly:

Even though he's just weeks old, he's already taken to playing fetch. You can throw just about anything - a ball, a stick, a duffelbag, a mountain goat, a chew toy, anything - and he'll bring it right back!

And Rex:

I'll never cease to be amazed at how good his sense of smell is! Rex can smell a bug in a rotting log through even the thickest bark and peck it right out.

So now that these three new bundles of joy are here, the flack is now 14 strong! If I get more time I may post some more of my bird-dog pals in the near future.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Trip to Australia

So the other day I returned home from my trip to Australia. It was a pretty amazing. I spent almost 2 solid weeks there, going from sydney to melbourne up to queensland and then back to sydney for the trip home.

First off I must say that the beauty of Sydney is not overblown. The place is spectacular. Pictures don't even truly do it justice. Of course the Sydney Opera house was beautiful and was truly a sight to behold.

The Sydney Harbour Bridge was also awesome

Our third day in Aussie land we hit up Melborne for so time in the sun. The plan originally was to take surfing lessons but unfortunately the night before I apparently got pretty terrible food poisoning. It wasn't even sushi, as we had that the first night in. It was very likely the Kangaroo burgers that were the culprit. Damn undercooked meat.

But the beaches in Melbourne were still quite beautiful even if I couldn't catch any waves.

After a few days in Melbourne checking out the sites there we went up to Queens land for a wildlife tour of the Outback. It was a throw back to my childhood and the countless hours I spend watching the crocodile hunter on discovery channel. It was a three day tour plan and it was worth every penny. Though it wasn't without it's hiccups.

The first day out our jeep actually got stuck in a slough for the first few hours and we had to wait for another jeep to come by and tow us out. Though that day was pretty awesome for the wide range of reptiles we were able to see.

The next day when we were out walking to see some of the local birds I slipped and fell into a creek which has been known to have crocodile's in it. It was a bit scary and it was kinda annoying to be soaking wet through the latter part of the day.

On the last day we went looking for Croc's and it was quite interesting to hear the guide's stories of the interesting adventures they have had running the tours. All the times stupid tourists have done things that have required his expertise to prevent someone getting hurt. Though I am pretty sure we signed a waiver anyways.

But near one of the marshes I took a picture of what I believe to be an honest to goodness Crocoduck. The very creature that creationist Kirk Cameron claims proves evolution false because it doesn't exist. Yet I have a picture showing a wild crocoduck. It's a bit blurry and it took off right after I snapped this picture but I consider this definitive proof.

After the tour we took a trip to the Australia Zoo. (Steve Irwin's zoo) Which was definately worth it. Blows the pants of the zoo's here in Canada.

Finally we ended our trip back in Sydney for the must see of any trip to Australia the Golden Gate Bridge tour.